Around this time in 2022, my husband Sully asked me a question that came out of nowhere: “What would you do without me?” It was a simple question, but I could feel the weight of it, as though he wanted me to truly consider the answer. I had never thought to ask myself this, assuming our marriage was solidly rooted, like a garden that had weathered many storms.
We will always have each each other’s back. We will be in sync so we can stay in alignment with one another.. We will continue to find light, love & laughter.
Growing up, I saw couples in my family stay together no matter what. Their commitment was as unwavering as an old oak tree, standing tall despite the winds of adversity. Even though Sully and I had faced challenges before, this time felt different. We had been together since I was just shy of 21, and now, approaching 40, the question seemed to carry a new significance. When I asked him for clarity, he simply told me to interpret it however I chose.
In the past, I would have withered under this kind of pressure, apologizing for not being who he needed. But this time, I didn’t apologize. Instead, I planted that question deep within myself, like a seed, and waited for the answers to grow.
I began to realize that while Sully had been thriving, reaching new heights, I had felt stuck, like a plant that barely got watered. Why was I stuck? I looked inward and saw my fears. I had procrastinated, quit when things got tough, and feared failure. I avoided trying new things because the unknown scared me. I carried shame, struggled with saying no, and lacked direction, like a garden without a plan, where the weeds slowly took over.
But as I examined myself, I also saw something beautiful—resilience. I saw someone who loved deeply, cared for everyone, and brought comfort to those around her, like a wildflower blooming in an untended corner, offering beauty and hope in unexpected places.
I thought back to my younger days and remembered what once brought me joy. I loved art, reading, writing, and gardening—activities that nurtured my soul, just as tending to a garden brings peace and fulfillment. So, I created a vision board for 2023, manifesting all the things I used to love, like watering seeds long forgotten.
I started writing, after so long of only writing Facebook statuses. Reading through those memories was like looking at the different seasons of my life. I even started reading Sully’s books, the ones he’d read 15 years earlier. We began listening to podcasts together, and we even started one of our own with the help of his nephew. Though our schedules didn’t allow it to last, the experience planted a new dream in me.
Through this journey, I saw myself in a new light. I began to cultivate compassion for the parts of myself I had once judged so harshly. I understood that my sheltered upbringing, where I wasn’t allowed to experience much, had sown seeds of fear within me. Meanwhile, I married someone who grew up opposite of me and walked right into fear.
Each day, I took a small step towards learning more about myself. And like a tender shoot pushing through the soil, I began to grow. I realized that Sully’s question wasn’t meant to challenge me but to plant the seed of my own self-discovery, a seed that continues to blossom as I tend to the garden of my soul. I’m excited to unpack my travels through storytelling.
What question has someone asked you or you’ve asked yourself that made you pause and reflect on your life? How did it impact your personal growth?
Love, B
Lately, I’ve been asking myself two specific questions:
1. Who sees the real me?
… like who in my life sees me in the way i’ve always hope to be seen… the way my soul craves to be understood without the need for explanation… who looks past the armor and the stories i’ve worn for so long, the masks i’ve collected to protect the softer parts of myself… who notices the quiet details—the tremble in my voice when i’m afraid, the light in my eyes when i’m at peace…
this question has me grieving the loss of many friendships…
2. What parts of myself have I yet to explore or recognize—the hidden or darker aspects that, when brought to light, could be met with compassion and love?
this question has made me way more loving and compassionate with myself, which helps me be more patient and compassionate with others, too… so now, when i wanna beat a muthaf**a’s ass 🤣🤣🤣, I remind myself it’s probably just their own unhealed stuff being projected onto others—and instead of reacting or f**kin up a biatch, I just pray for their ass… and mine as well in the hopes that the other parts of me don’t just react 🤪
1. I feel you on that. Sometimes I feel it’s hard for others to see us when we wear an armor. A question to think about is why are we wearing an armor? What in our life has caused us to mask ourselves? It’s hard af, but when you start peeling the layers the answer is within. Digging deep allows us to have compassion for ourselves and others. We live in a world where we only see highlights of someone’s life and that’s just the surface level of someone. Everyone is on their own journey, so learning to have an open heart and mind will help someone align themselves with whats for them. Nonetheless it’s hard work, but a rewarding and freeing one. When you are growing and healing, you will lose people along the way because all of our journeys look different. Instead of forcing, learn to flow and the right people will fall into your life.
2. Do you journal? Journaling has helped me. Writing facebook statuses from back in the day was my journaling and wow! It’s so fun to read it and no longer feel shame. I accept all parts of me. I hope you can do the same.
Live in the moment, don’t wait or you will miss out on the opportunity you can never get back.
I love that! Life is full of opportunities if we are present and open to seeing them.